Buff!

The papers all carried photos of the bodyguard whisking Gillard away from angry Aboriginals and professional protesters.* Security must have thought all their Christmases had come at once. All those hours spent twiddling their thumbs, pretending to watch out for psychos while Gillard delivered some shit boring speech about economy acceleration and hardworking Australians. This was their moment to shine. All it took was the word ‘threat’ for them to spring into action. It was like the West Wing.

The bodyguard was buff and hot. He shielded her with his body, like they do in movies. You have to be ready to die for the president, to take a bullet for her. Morning breakfast shows played Whitney Houston’s ‘I Will Always Love You’ over the footage of Gillard being saved. She was so vulnerable that she lost her shoe, just like Cinderella. So visibly frightened.** Tony, of course, could take care of himself.

*Those who weren’t proper black are not, according to Andrew Bolt’s definition, Aboriginal – they are assumed to be ‘professional protesters’.

**Even though minutes beforehand she had seemed cool as anything about the protest, even playing the statesman in front of Channel 9 by getting them to save Tony Abbott. It couldn’t possibly have been the security guards’ over-the-top manhandling that disturbed her, or made her perceive the situation as more threatening than it was?